💕Calling in the One: Day 32
Learning to love and accept my body has been a challenge and a trial. I'm sure most women have a similar journey to appreciating this magnificent and beautiful vessel that along the way can feel equally as awkward and embarrassing AF. I did the open-eyed mirror meditation, looking at my naked body. I looked at each part, starting with my hair and ending with my feet, apologizing for the harsh criticisms that I've made all too common, and loving and appreciating each for its beauty and contribution. I have to say that this exercise is much easier for me now than it would have been in my twenties. Back then, my body was actually really fit and the shape was nearly perfect by my current standards. But it was never good enough for me to love and accept. I always thought that I had to be perfect to be accepted and loved, so I assumed I would probably never experience either.
I've punished, abused, and mistreated my body for its "imperfections" by starving it, over-caffeinating it, over-exercising (during the time I was starving myself, I would work out for hours after putting anything in my mouth). I've been an unhealthy vegetarian, passing out frequently. I've taken diet pills, which did make me very thin (truly believing and repeating the mantra "I'd rather be dead than fat.") Eventually, I completely dissociated from my body, which is what I'm healing now. I can look at it and see the beauty, but it's just so damn unnatural to be in it and enjoying it. That struck me as really sad just now and brings up some tears. Despite all of this, I AM learning to love my body and learning to be embodied. It definitely makes sense to me that I need to love and care for my physical self if I am expecting my body to provide me with health, pleasure, shelter, strength, flexibility, beauty, wisdom, youthfulness, resonance, and all of my other demands. Let's support each other in embracing and loving our bodies. No more shaming even ourselves!
What were your conclusions from this chapter? Comment below!
If you'd rather share in private, don't hesitate to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Warmest Wishes, Rachael