- Rachael Marie Shaffer, RMT
💕Calling in the One: Day 36
So, this chapter was the most difficult for me, hands down... Katherine Woodward Thomas asks, "Who in your life are you making wrong?" I had no idea that this was a weakness for me. Well, I know that I'm stubborn, and while I work to make peace in the moment, I'm very attached to being right. And, how can I be right if no one else is wrong? So, yeah... The only time I'm ever able to surrender fully to the unknown is when I'm in the flow creatively and in my healing work or listening to and holding space for a client. Other than that, I've worked hard to study and learn so that I would find an answer for every question I could ever pose. I'm still sitting with this resistance to letting go of the belief that I'm right in many instances -- especially the situations that have caused the deepest wounds and utter despair for me. Although I'm aware and have been sitting with this information after reading the chapter and writing out the exercise, instead of the irrational beliefs sort of unraveling in my mind as usual -- however slowly, I'm holding onto my accusations even more tightly -- with a vengeance!
It's just brought up so much anger and pain that I may need to do some Core Energetics to discharge some of this aggressiveness and rage if I'm ever going to sleep tonight. I'm laughing a little right now because I really thought that this whole process would be smooth sailing for me. After all, I consider myself very self-aware, having done so much work on myself to heal and awaken and get to the core of why I do what I do. I'm so frustrated that I'm feeling like this. Being forced to really reflect on the lesson this deeply (out of my own commitment to doing so), I just want to weep and scream. I'm so full of anger -- righteous and indignant. ::Breathing deeply:: That was close. I almost overreacted. 😅😂 Well, breathing and laughing at myself just now did help release some of that charged up energy. This one just wasn't so easy for me. I guess getting to the core issue never is, and I think I just found a tangle in the circuitry -- a whole lot of conflicting beliefs all fighting each other. I usually thrive on the deep emotional purging type of healing, but I guess what's being revealed to me is that I'm far less comfortable with my anger than other feelings. This is kind of a shocking discovery. I'm going to have to meditate more on this because I'm just getting more frustrated trying to think about it right now.
Was this chapter as hard for you as it was for me? Comment below!
If you'd rather share in private, don't hesitate to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Warmest Wishes, Rachael