💕Calling in the One: Day 37
Happiness. This lesson came very easily to me today, although I admit I've been slacking on this. Ever since I was introduced to Tony Robbins' work and attended Unleash the Power Within in 2014 (any fellow Firewalkers out there??), I've been aware of the control I have over how much happiness I allow myself to feel, despite my circumstances. Lately, I've really been focused on what I believe I'm lacking and judging myself really harshly, dashing any chance of sustaining a happy state. I know that it's important to practice non-attachment when co-creating your reality, but I sometimes fear that if I'm just happy with what I have then I'll achieve nothing and have no success in any area of my life. This just creates a charged up desperation in whatever area I happen to be obsessing over in my life. Really attractive, I know. 😉 My high standards for myself have paid off in a lot of ways, but I can't sustain the perfectionism and be happy or healthy.
Last night, I further processed my resistance to releasing my righteous anger with some Core Energetics and woke up in a much more compassionate, relaxed, and happy state. It's incredible how these chapters each lead into the next. So, when I read this chapter, it just fully resonated. And the exercise of releasing the attachment to believing I need certain things in order to be happy was much easier than if I'd been asked to do so yesterday. Also, subtly re-framing each item on my list from a "must-have" to a "blessing" went straight to my subconscious too. It does feel like a relief to let go of needing any of the items but I have such a fear of regret. If I'm content with what I have, I consciously know that freeing up the energy I waste on resistance will allow me to do so much more in the present. My subconscious, however, feels like it needs to be on me at all times to achieve, make things happen, nag the hell out of the universe until my needs are fulfilled, and torture myself for being so defective for not figuring this all out sooner. I realized today that I haven't let myself relax since I left NYC, which was the entire point of coming back to PA. I've completely resisted being here, which has created a lot of tension and cortisol in my system. Today, I finally feel like I'm fully present here and felt real joy for the first time since coming back home.
What was your experience of this chapter? Comment below!
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Warmest Wishes, Rachael